...the doorstep again...she's been there...and she is here again...but alone. The picture on the other side is foggy...She looks back longingly..unwilling to let go of it......but no one is letting her live it. Again she feels the seering pain shoot through her. She closes her eyes tightly till tears escape. 'It will pass..it will pass ' she chants. She is breathless but slowly she feels the pain subside. 'Should I see a doctor? But what will I tell him?' She checks again, but cannot locate the source of pain. How tired she is...rest seems at bay. She is massaging her head slowly...damn! of course she will never find the source of pain......it is not physical. She sits by the side of window and recalls...never a popular child...known only for her chubbiness she cringed at the thought of a big gathering where she would be the butt of their jokes. The best escape was to bury herself in books..atleast she would find solace in their silence. In no time she was popular as the big fat nerd, who knew the books. Addiction to excel is stronger than addiction to drugs. Nose deep in books she soon lost purpose. One day it dawned......she had a career to choose....n there she was at the doorstep...unwilling to let go the world of books...but having to choose a career ahead. Slowly she realised while she was busy scribbling notes people were busy enjoying something called life...mmmm...sounds great and tasted even better....books can wait...life and time will not.....not too late to start living life. 'Life is like an ice cream, enjoy it before it melts'. Just when she started living by it, she realised she is being dragged to that doorstep...'no wait, stop...pliz...not now.....there is more to explore...atleast let me carry an element of this life' She realizes there is no one to hear her...infact there was never anyone...she feels the force drag her towards the door.....(Seering pain!). She snaps to present. The pain is throbbing...she massages her head....'What time is it? Shucks 4 am...another sleepless night gone...have to report to work at 8 am.' Oh how tired she is....when will this struggle end.......just a night of dreamless sleep is what she prays for....
5 months....as usual a long time.....oodles have happened during this period...I submitted my thesis on 16th December, 2011 (groan! no more hilarious Ph.D. comic scripts now). The new year brought a new surprise...my status was updated from research scholar-------->Assistant Professor....yes yes now I teach undergraduate students....(I know its a shock for you...it was an even bigger shock for me....ME.. A....T-E-A-C-H-E-R)... While starting out work there I realized it was very tough for me to establish myself as one cause I looked no more than a student. Today 4 months into the profession .......4 months of desperate attempts to look like a prof.......I was staring into my wardrobe when my eyes stopped over the pink coloured long cloth.....and I recalled what dadi (paternal grandmother) told me '.....saree is the most sensuous dress in which you can show all and hide all....'. With westernization creeping up all aspects....lifestyle, wardrobe...most of the women of young
Beautifully written... Often words fail to express the emotions but you really cud add that too making it really very heart touching and sensitive....!!
ReplyDeletesmall expressions written here made me imagine the entire scene. well done.......signs of a good writer....
ReplyDeletevery impressive... stopped reading only when it ended..keep writing more..
ReplyDeleteI liked the abstract start and the sudden end of it! Awesome post makes me wonder about the whole story ! Nice!
ReplyDelete